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Sci-Fi Politics Idle

Majority of Americans Think Obama Is Better Suited To Handle an Alien Invasion 305

Posted by samzenpus
from the lock-and-load dept.
Geoffrey.landis writes "At last, a public opinion poll that gets the opinions of ordinary Americans on the issues that matter! Apparently, two thirds of Americans polled think that Barack Obama is better suited to defend against an alien invasion than Mitt Romney, according to a survey from National Geographic Channel, done to tout their upcoming TV series 'chasing UFOs'. In follow-up questioning, Americans would rather call on the Hulk (21%) than either Batman (12%) or Spiderman (8%) to save the day. No word on which candidate is most fit to defend America against shambling hordes of undead seeking to destroy civilization in the zombie apocalypse (perhaps that will be brought out in the debates)." The real question of course is how Obama would handle Galactus.
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Majority of Americans Think Obama Is Better Suited To Handle an Alien Invasion

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  • by eldavojohn (898314) * <eldavojohn.gmail@com> on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @07:33PM (#40473547) Journal
    Mediator: First I ask the former Governor of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, how would you handle an alien invasion?
    Mitt Romney: Simple, I'd shoot them.
    Mediator: And to you, Mr. President, how would you handle an alien invasion?
    Barack Obama: *pauses* Instead of shooting where they are ... *even longer pause* .. I would shoot at where they are going to be.
    Crowd: *breaks out in rapturous applause*
    Mitt Romney: Oh, come on, of course that's what I meant as well. I mean, I'd probably have the military figure all that out or pay someone in rubies or chickens or beads or whatever the hell it is you poor people are spending at Wal-Mart these days.
    Crowd: *boos loudly*
    Crowd Member #1: Oh, that Romney, I don't like him. I don't like him at all.
    Crowd Member #2: I've never seen a Mormon kill anyone -- let alone an alien. Have you?
    Crowd Member #3: I'd bet all my Wal-Mart rubies he doesn't win.
    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by EdIII (1114411)

      Thank You, sir.

      You stay classy Eldavojohn...

    • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @07:44PM (#40473643)

      Of course Obama can handle Aliens a lot better than anybody else !

      Obama himself is an Alien - that guy is from Kenya, isn't he?
       

      • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @08:36PM (#40474033)
        But at least we know Obama's human. The jury's out on Romney.
      • by Megane (129182)
        That's just his cover story. Biden, on the other hand...
      • by Grayhand (2610049) on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @09:43PM (#40474427)
        I disagree. Romney demanding to see their long form birth certificates would have the aliens on the run. Also by taking both sides on every issue Romney shows the flexibility needed when facing am alien invasion. I mean really, can you imagine Obama saying "I for one welcome our alien overlords!" Romney can say it with a Presidential conviction that Obama could never muster. Obama would merely send in the marines to shoot them in the face. Just imagine if the aliens demanded health care! Obama would give it to them if they kept up their grades and did a hitch in the military while Romney would stand definant and insist they didn't qualify for health care unless they resided in Massachusetts. On the bright side the aliens would likely leave in disgust after a few weeks of the squabbling.
      • by interkin3tic (1469267) on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @10:48PM (#40474839)
        They just don't realize that Romney would use the encounter to create billions of jobs. By outsourcing them from Earth.
  • by Anonymous Coward

    ...they hope the aliens take him away!

  • by jaymz666 (34050) on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @07:38PM (#40473593)

    He thought they mean illegal aliens?

  • by C_amiga_fan (1960858) on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @07:38PM (#40473599)

    This used to be one of my favorite channels. Along with "Wild" Discovery, History, Scifi, and Animal. The last one's not too bad, but NatGeo and the others have turned-into reality shows.

    Yeah I know. Complain, complain. Well I can't help if all these channels start looking alike, instead of their original mission. NOW I spend most of my time watching the free broadcast channels: RetroTV, ThisTV, AntennaTV..... they are what AMC and TVland used to be. (Though it's probably only a matter of time til they jump-the-shark and start inserting reality shows.)

    • This used to be one of my favorite channels. Along with "Wild" Discovery, History, Scifi, and Animal. The last one's not too bad, but NatGeo and the others have turned-into reality shows. Yeah I know. Complain, complain

      Well, let's not be too hasty now. I mean, what if they did a crossover where some of the animals from NatGeo join the casts of the other channel reality shows? I'd like to see a grizzly bear mix things up a bit on the Jersey Shore. Especially with those night vision cameras they have in the rooms. I mean, the "people" on those shows are already behaving pretty much like bonobo chimps.

      • by jd (1658)

        They ARE bonobo chimps. The channels have been doing these wildlife crossovers for years! (After Pink and The Brain retired from starring in cartoons, they went on to scriptwrite for CSPAN. The Family Guy is actually directed by Flipper the dophin. Fox News is not named such by accident.)

        • by rjames13 (1178191)

          Excuse me good sir but I found this "y" at the bottom of the page. I believe it is yours?

      • "the "people" on those shows are already behaving pretty much like bonobo chimps."

        Is this some kind of Republican crack against our president??? (justkidding)

      • by dbIII (701233)
        Geneticly and socially we're about halfway between bonobos and chimps. Take that creationists.
    • Imagine having to actually do something productive.
    • by EdIII (1114411) on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @08:57PM (#40474179)

      It seems that reality tv shows are the cheapest programming you can make.

      "Actors" that are just amazed they are on television and if you tell them they will get paid even half as much again as their current yearly salary they start humping the programming directors leg.

      Meanwhile, the big, classically trained in NYC, celebrity actors bitch about the wrong color M&Ms in their custom trailers and just when does their salary go to 1 million dollars per episode.

      No big loss to me. It's not like I was that into television in the first place. I'll miss the sci-fi shows and documentaries, but that will just make want to watch the documentaries on Netflix even more.

      • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

        by Kittenman (971447)

        It seems that reality tv shows are the cheapest programming you can make.

        "Actors" that are just amazed they are on television and if you tell them they will get paid even half as much again as their current yearly salary they start humping the programming directors leg.

        Meanwhile, the big, classically trained in NYC, celebrity actors bitch about the wrong color M&Ms in their custom trailers and just when does their salary go to 1 million dollars per episode.

        No big loss to me. It's not like I was that into television in the first place. I'll miss the sci-fi shows and documentaries, but that will just make want to watch the documentaries on Netflix even more.

        Refer my sig ... nuff said.

      • I bet you most reality stars would work for subsistence. Most of them are in it for the instant publicity they can usually parlay into all kinds of insane deals. K Kardashian parlayed a staged sex tape (now the mainstay of D-list wannabe starlets) into a megamillion dollar empire built on nothing but fame. I watched a reality dating show years ago where the participants openly talked about how their stints would open doors for them. How many aspiring actors are on these shows anyway? Even the survivor

    • by Kittenman (971447)

      This used to be one of my favorite channels. Along with "Wild" Discovery, History, Scifi, and Animal. The last one's not too bad, but NatGeo and the others have turned-into reality shows.

      Tell me about it - we had "Nostradamus" or some such nonsense on NatGeo (or 'History'). What the heck....

  • by unitron (5733) on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @07:43PM (#40473631) Homepage Journal

    Well, sorta.

  • by FSWKU (551325) on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @07:46PM (#40473661)
    We aready know Obama's response to an alien invasion - legislation to give them all retroactive amnesty and free citizenship. The Space Dream Act. You heard it here first.

    (only partially joking...but I've got karma to burn)
  • "You think you're the only politician in the world? Mr. Obama, you've become part of a bigger universe."

    I'd totally watch that movie/reality.

  • > The real question of course is how Obama would handle Galactus.

    He'd come to the table with "You can only eat half the planet." And manage to walk away with Galactus agreeing to spare 10%.

  • Can we please... (Score:3, Insightful)

    by jmerlin (1010641) on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @08:03PM (#40473789)
    get this IDLE crap off the front page. This is the dumbest article I've read on Slashdot all week! Here I was hoping we'd have a week devoid of worthless moronic headlines hitting the front page. This is most certainly not news that matters, to anyone.
    • They ruined that this morning with another pointless Raspberry Pi article.

      But I agree. The only thing more retarded than this would be a "Who Would Win In A No-Rules Cage Match - Mark Zuckerberg or Steve Job's Zombie?"

  • by an00bis (667089) on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @08:07PM (#40473819)
    ack ack ack ACK! ack ack ack... BARACK ack ack!
  • They'll probably get Palin to come on VanSusteran's show to take up for Romney. "Pallin' around with space aliens."

    • by PPH (736903)
      I think Palin would do pretty well. I saw a bit about her handling a couple of Russians.
      • I think Palin would do pretty well. I saw a bit about her handling a couple of Russians.

        I saw her guy handling a couple of turkeys.

  • I mean, the ones from Mars only need a recording of Tom Jones to defeat them, but you need three juvenile delinquents to defeat The Tripods. Everyone knows that.

  • Thanks for clearing this up!
  • lets be real, no president would be able to do anything about it.

    The US is powerful when it's beating the crap out of other humans but against an extraterrestrial intelligence that spans the galaxy?

    That's a code brown situation.

    • Re:Code Brown (Score:4, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @08:50PM (#40474133)

      lets be real, no president would be able to do anything about it.

      The US is powerful when it's beating the crap out of other humans but against an extraterrestrial intelligence that spans the galaxy?

      It's ok; I would probably side with you guys. A lot of us have gone native. And you really are a lot further along than you think. For example, the same technology you use for DLP televisions could be used to create rapidly oscillating microscopic mirrors to generate virtual particles. With a bit of tuning and using lasers for selection/detection, you could use them to pull up wormholes out of the quantum foam (the trick is stabilizing them with negative matter. But wormholes already have negative curvature and thus are negative matter, so you can use the rejected ones to "feed" the one you want to select).

      Oops; I'm rambling. Anyway, the point is that you guys almost have Q-drive, with smaller cores than anything the rest of the galaxy can offer. That and BBQ pretty much means you guys don't have to worry about any kind of extinction attacks. When the aliens arrive, send them to Texas and for Great Maker's sake don't offer them chili with beans in it; you have no idea how offensive that is.

  • I'm pretty sure Obama would grant Galactus work visa and a Social Security number, and defend his right to eat the Earth under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

  • Of course Americans wouldn't trust Romney to deal with an alien invasion. He's probably one of them.

  • No word on which candidate is most fit to defend America against shambling hordes of undead seeking to destroy civilization in the zombie apocalypse (perhaps that will be brought out in the debates).

    Obviously, Obama would be best against the Zombies. Romney would be best against the Vampires. [cracked.com] Or maybe it's the other way around. [utsandiego.com]

  • After all he is an "alien" resident, having been born in Kenya and all that ;-)

  • Why did they waste precious resources conducting this survey? Most Democrats think Mitt Romney himself to be a humanoid android sent from the Gamma quadrant in sector six by the richest 0.001% of the universe to alter the history. So he is them, he is no good protecting us from them.
    • by tftp (111690)

      Most Democrats think Mitt Romney himself to be a humanoid

      This opinion is not limited to Democrats. Or to Romney.

  • obama is an alien, (from another planet)
  • by ildon (413912) on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @09:15PM (#40474281)

    The summary doesn't make it totally clear that people would prefer the Hulk rescue them from aliens, not just rescue them in general. It's an important distinction because for the general case, you don't want to have to rely on the Hulk to save you from ANYTHING, because he'll likely destroy all of your property and probably accidentally (or purposefully!) kill you in the process.

    Additionally, where's Superman, our home grown invincible alien immigrant, in all this? Has he really fallen so far in public consciousness?

  • by Radical Moderate (563286) on Wednesday June 27, 2012 @09:19PM (#40474317)
    Wouldn't he just shed his human-shaped carapice and welcome his brethren to Earth?
  • Unfair Poll (Score:2, Insightful)

    by Anonymous Coward

    They're confusing Obama with Will Smith.

    Yes, I just went there.

  • With that Xenu guy and all? What's that? Wrong cult? Poppycock! I bet Mitt Romney would kick Xenu's ass all the way back to the.. um... I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess "Galactic Federation of Planets"?

    Yes. It's my premise that I can't tell the difference between Mormons and Scientologists. Thank you for ruining the joke!

  • Surely Romney would be better suited for alien contact, since he already prays to God and Jesus, who are in fact aliens from Kolob as this informative video demonstrates [youtube.com].
  • He will just issue them all work permits, as long as they entered the country when they were in their late teens.

  • I'm pro Obama, but I'm sorry, both candidates are equally unqualified as it's a complete lost cause. We cannot beat a civilization capable of invading us.

  • by rossdee (243626)

    Mormons don't believe in Aliens (the ET kind)

    I did ask a couple of their missionaries once.

    Of course fundie Christians who believe in a 4004bc or so date for creation wouldn't believe in aliens either.

  • The real question of course is how Obama would handle Galactus.

    He would decree that this evil can only be defeated with mandatory universal health care. It only works if everyone is part of it. Then as the vortex of doom settles over each major city and the Supreme Court strikes his mandate down he'll say, "fine! It only works if most of us are part of it." Then as people are being sucked up into the sky, he'll scream, "I inherited this, you know!"

  • The Subject says all I have to say.

  • ...okay...

    (QD backs away slowly from the rest of humanity)

  • by FauxReal (653820) on Thursday June 28, 2012 @01:44AM (#40475681) Homepage
    Romney would have a much better chance of saving us from the aliens. He'd simply recruit an army of Mormon missionaries to invade the aliens' landing craft and annoy them until they escape back to their home planet.
  • When the h#@* did an imaginary alien invasion become a talking point in the debates?!?!

    We're far more likely to be invaded by African Pygmies than Extraterrestrials.

    For that matter, despite what Hollywood shows in it's movies, we'd be toast. It would be like a 2 cavemen in a dugout canoe trying to fight the WW2 Allied D-Day Invasion force backed up with 3 nuclear aircraft carriers.
  • Mukor rules *all* galaxies.

    pic [power-of-t...ystals.com]

    link [shmups.com]

    No Earth Slime has destroyed Mukor...

  • Obama is Protestant of some flavor. Romney is a Mormon. Which religion inspired a movie and TV series about a "rag-tag fugitive fleet" of humans fighting killer robots in outer space [wikipedia.org]? I rest my case.

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