Russian Officials To Investigate Regional President's Alien Abduction Claims 184
wdef writes "The BBC reports that a Russian MP has asked President Dmitry Medvedev to investigate claims by a regional president that he has met aliens on board a spaceship. Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, the leader of the southern region of Kalymkia, made his claim in a television interview. Mr Ilyumzhinov said in an interview on primetime television that he had been taken on board an alien spaceship which had come to planet Earth to take samples — and claims to have several witnesses. He has been president of Kalmykia, a small Buddhist region of Russia which lies on the shores of the Caspian Sea, for 17 years. As president of the World Chess Federation, he has spent tens of millions of dollars turning the impoverished republic into a mecca for chess players — building an entire village to host international tournaments. MP Andre Lebedev is not just asking whether Mr Ilyumzhinov is fit to govern. He is also concerned that, if he was abducted, he may have revealed details about his job and state secrets."
It's Always the Chess Players (Score:5, Funny)
Tomorrow we'll find out Kasparov has invented a "free energy" machine and historians have found a volume of letters from Paul Morphy claiming he controlled the moon.
Dear Aliens (Score:4, Funny)
Mr. President there must not be an alien abduction gap! I propose we take our most popular specimens like Tom Cruise, Ke$ha, Will Smith and Robert Downey Jr. and chain them down in a random field for sampling by aliens.
Foreign prostitutes are not that kind of "alien" (Score:3, Funny)
Re:It's Always the Chess Players (Score:5, Funny)
It's no different than a footballer or hockey player that has a broken body later on in life. Chess players use their minds like footballers and hockey players use their body.
Re:It's Always the Chess Players (Score:5, Funny)
Sympathetic to Fischer's plight, but reluctant to grant him the full benefits of citizenship, Icelandic authorities granted him an alien's passport.
Coincidence? I THINK NOT.
What, no anal probe? (Score:3, Funny)
Alien witnesses . . .? (Score:3, Funny)
Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, the leader of the southern region of Kalymkia, made his claim in a television interview. Mr Ilyumzhinov said in an interview on primetime television that he had been taken on board an alien spaceship which had come to planet Earth to take samples — and claims to have several witnesses
Unfortunately, those alien witnesses are unavailable for questioning . . .
Re:It's Always the Chess Players (Score:5, Funny)
Congrats, that's the dumbest thing I've read this week.
Re:It's Always the Chess Players (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Dear Aliens (Score:3, Funny)
He never said they were going to be returned. Just taken.
Re:It's Always the Chess Players (Score:5, Funny)
Insightful? Seriously?
Are the modders out of their fricking minds?
They've probably played too much chess, or something.
Re:Anyone else? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:I don't think it works that way, though (Score:5, Funny)
I don't think it works that way, though. There isn't evidence that using one's brain too much can cause the same kind of damage as pulling a muscle or twisting a knee does in more physical sports. On the contrary, there is a ton of evidence by now that it can actually delay the onset of the various forms of neuro-degeneration in the old age.
But it may be that you already have to be not entirely normal up there in the first place to make it that far in chess.
I was going to give this detailed retort, countering each and every one of your points, but I bruised my brain in the attempt. According to the examining physician, I may never think again...
Re:Site confussion (Score:3, Funny)
It gets harder and harder to tell "The Onion" from the news every year.
Re:"Regional President"? (Score:1, Funny)
Maybe for them, the game of chess is the most important thing in the universe.
At least they won't be hostile then. Just insanely boring ...
Comment removed (Score:3, Funny)
In Soviet Russia... (Score:3, Funny)
Did he see Farrakhan up there as well?
Re:I don't think it works that way, though (Score:5, Funny)
According to the examining physician, I may never think again...
I know a site where you'll fit right in. [fark.com]