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Russian Officials To Investigate Regional President's Alien Abduction Claims 184

Posted by samzenpus
from the mars-wants-to-play-chess dept.
wdef writes "The BBC reports that a Russian MP has asked President Dmitry Medvedev to investigate claims by a regional president that he has met aliens on board a spaceship. Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, the leader of the southern region of Kalymkia, made his claim in a television interview. Mr Ilyumzhinov said in an interview on primetime television that he had been taken on board an alien spaceship which had come to planet Earth to take samples — and claims to have several witnesses. He has been president of Kalmykia, a small Buddhist region of Russia which lies on the shores of the Caspian Sea, for 17 years. As president of the World Chess Federation, he has spent tens of millions of dollars turning the impoverished republic into a mecca for chess players — building an entire village to host international tournaments. MP Andre Lebedev is not just asking whether Mr Ilyumzhinov is fit to govern. He is also concerned that, if he was abducted, he may have revealed details about his job and state secrets."

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Russian Officials To Investigate Regional President's Alien Abduction Claims

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  • by eldavojohn (898314) * <eldavojohn.gmail@com> on Thursday May 06, 2010 @09:50AM (#32110770) Journal
    Why do high profile chess players always have to go completely batshit crazy [wikipedia.org]?

    Tomorrow we'll find out Kasparov has invented a "free energy" machine and historians have found a volume of letters from Paul Morphy claiming he controlled the moon.
    • by Pojut (1027544) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @09:53AM (#32110790) Homepage

      It's no different than a footballer or hockey player that has a broken body later on in life. Chess players use their minds like footballers and hockey players use their body.

      • by Anonymous Coward on Thursday May 06, 2010 @10:08AM (#32110952)

        Congrats, that's the dumbest thing I've read this week.

        • by Anonymous Coward on Thursday May 06, 2010 @10:16AM (#32111032)
          Nah, probably just another spent chess player.
        • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

          Congrats, that's the dumbest thing I've read this week.

          So you're saying this is the only thing you've read on Slashdot this week.

          • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

            by Shakrai (717556)

            Congrats, that's the dumbest thing I've read this week.

            So you're saying this is the only thing you've read on Slashdot this week.

            Maybe he reads at +5 and doesn't enjoy the privilege of reading the gay niggers association of america as often as the rest of us?

            • by geekoid (135745)

              The fact that has been modded up as insightful is the most shameful thing I've seen on slashdot.

        • by sonnejw0 (1114901) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @11:34AM (#32111828)
          Actually, the APOE4 allele that predisposes to Alzheimer's Disease / Dementia also embues its recipients with a higher IQ. The hypothesis is that the brain burns out quickly, so perhaps chess players do become progressively more illogical as they burn out their logic circuits quickly in earlier life.
      • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

        by d34dluk3 (1659991)
        Now imagining: "Oh, and those neurons just got slammed by that Rook! What a brutal hit, Steve!"
      • by Thanshin (1188877) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @10:41AM (#32111288)

        Insightful? Seriously?

        Are the modders out of their fricking minds?

        They've probably played too much chess, or something.

      • by Moraelin (679338) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @10:55AM (#32111408) Journal

        I don't think it works that way, though. There isn't evidence that using one's brain too much can cause the same kind of damage as pulling a muscle or twisting a knee does in more physical sports. On the contrary, there is a ton of evidence by now that it can actually delay the onset of the various forms of neuro-degeneration in the old age.

        But it may be that you already have to be not entirely normal up there in the first place to make it that far in chess.

        • by Bobfrankly1 (1043848) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @11:04AM (#32111490)

          I don't think it works that way, though. There isn't evidence that using one's brain too much can cause the same kind of damage as pulling a muscle or twisting a knee does in more physical sports. On the contrary, there is a ton of evidence by now that it can actually delay the onset of the various forms of neuro-degeneration in the old age.

          But it may be that you already have to be not entirely normal up there in the first place to make it that far in chess.

          I was going to give this detailed retort, countering each and every one of your points, but I bruised my brain in the attempt. According to the examining physician, I may never think again...

        • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

          ...said by someone who obviously thought about it way too much.

        • by Znork (31774)

          Chess may be a bit too single track to make a significant impact on socially perceivable neural degeneration either way;

          Still, the nature of the game might make it somewhat appealing to autism-spectrum affected personalities. A predisposition that would also match up fairly well with the, eh, eccentric behaviour of some well known players.

    • by somersault (912633) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @10:03AM (#32110902) Homepage Journal

      Sympathetic to Fischer's plight, but reluctant to grant him the full benefits of citizenship, Icelandic authorities granted him an alien's passport.

      Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by Abcd1234 (188840)

      Why do high profile chess players always have to go completely batshit crazy?

      So, wait... two examples, and you indict an entire group of people?

      Wow, well done. Well done indeed.

      • by CastrTroy (595695)
        Two is a significant sample if we're talking about the number of "high profile chess players" in the world.
    • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

      by Yvanhoe (564877)
      No, Kasparov is running as a candidate in the opposition party against to Vladimir Putin. This can be labelled as "batshit crazy" as well, I must admit.
    • by siloko (1133863)
      More pertinently Ilyumzhinov is up for re-election as President of FIDE [wikipedia.org] soon and is currently in a battle with former World Chess Champion Anatoly Karpov [wikipedia.org] for the Russian Chess Federation's nomination. This couldn't have come at a better time for Karpov. Roll on a new era in chess administration and please lets put an end to Chess Grand Prix's and other prestigious tournaments being held in the back of beyond [fide.com] to satisfy some curious regional egotism!
    • by shutdown -p now (807394) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @12:25PM (#32112438) Journal

      Tomorrow we'll find out Kasparov has invented a "free energy" machine and historians have found a volume of letters from Paul Morphy claiming he controlled the moon.

      Kasparov is batshit-crazy. For one thing, he is an ardent and outspoken supporter of Fomenko's "New Chronology" [wikipedia.org] - go ahead, read what's at that link, and tell me if a sane person can believe this.

      Then also, politically, Kasparov is by and large a neo-con. Yes, he's still an opposition to the existing regime in Russia, and I'd prefer him over the guys who rule the country now, but overall, his politics are also rather extreme.

      • Actually I would not be surprised if parts of our modern version of history have been falsified. "History is written by the victor" and all that.. and most religious originators/leaders are obviously insane and/or control freaks, book burners etc.. I've never been particularly interested in history as a subject though for most of my life, and it's only now that I myself am no longer religious that I'm starting to find it more interesting.

  • Dear Aliens (Score:4, Funny)

    by eldavojohn (898314) * <eldavojohn.gmail@com> on Thursday May 06, 2010 @09:51AM (#32110778) Journal
    What the hell? Come on aliens! Seriously? America has twice the crazies suitable for testing and ... probing. Russia is so 18th and 19th century. I promise you that for at least the next decade [theonion.com], Americans are the ones you want to abduct.

    Mr. President there must not be an alien abduction gap! I propose we take our most popular specimens like Tom Cruise, Ke$ha, Will Smith and Robert Downey Jr. and chain them down in a random field for sampling by aliens.
    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      by Grench (833454)

      I propose we take our most popular specimens like Tom Cruise, Ke$ha, Will Smith and Robert Downey Jr. and chain them down in a random field for sampling by aliens.

      Would you really want those four people to be the alien's first direct being-to-being contact with the human race?

      I know I certainly wouldn't ...

      • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

        by BlackSnake112 (912158)

        He never said they were going to be returned. Just taken.

        • Besides, if the aliens were hostile, that's a fucking dream team to have on their mothership.
        • He never said they were going to be returned. Just taken.

          Russian Official: "I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for aliens like you. If you let my President go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."

          Aliens: Qapla' [Good Luck]

    • by elrous0 (869638) *
      Mr. President, we must not allow an alien abduction gap!
    • by CAIMLAS (41445)

      You're forgetting Mr. New Orleans Lead Vest In A Raft Rescue himself, Sean Penn.

  • by elrous0 (869638) * on Thursday May 06, 2010 @09:51AM (#32110780)
    It's amazing the extremes some politicans will go to to cover up affairs from their wives. "You see honey, I spend all weekend with...uh...ALIENS!" In other news, Ilyumzhinov is also planning a hiking trip this weekend on the Appalachian Trail--where his cellphone won't work, so don't even bother calling.
    • by FreeUser (11483) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @10:13AM (#32111010)

      It's amazing the extremes some politicans will go to to cover up affairs from their wives. "You see honey, I spend all weekend with...uh...ALIENS!" In other news, Ilyumzhinov is also planning a hiking trip this weekend on the Appalachian Trail--where his cellphone won't work, so don't even bother calling.

      Well, it wouldn't be the first time a rediculously tall tail helped through the missus off the scent. When (Mormon founder) Joseph Smith was caught molesting a 14-year-old child [exmormon.org], he simply told his followers (and his wife) that an angel with a sword commanded him to do it, and that everyone thereafter was ordered (by God, by way of sword-wielding angel and self-proclaimed prophet) to have more than one wife, on pain of death and damnation.

      Which of course led to such wonderful quotes as:

      "I think no more of taking another wife than I do of buying a cow."
      - Apostle Heber C. Kimball, The Twenty Seventh Wife, Irving Wallace, p. 101.

      It's an interesting progression of excuses:

      1. The Devil made me do it!
      2. God, in the form of an angel with a flaming sword, made me do it!
      3. Aliens made me do it!

      At least with aliens, it's trendy and captures the zeitgeist

    • by euxneks (516538)

      It's amazing the extremes some politicans will go to to cover up affairs from their wives. "You see honey, I spend all weekend with...uh...ALIENS!" In other news, Ilyumzhinov is also planning a hiking trip this weekend on the Appalachian Trail--where his cellphone won't work, so don't even bother calling.

      I heard he's also hiring aliens to carry his luggage...?

  • I was sure i was reading "The Onion"...i even smiled while i went into the last sentence.

  • by Jawn98685 (687784) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @10:04AM (#32110916)
    You'd think that someone fabricating an alien abduction tale would at least get the basics right.
  • by PolygamousRanchKid (1290638) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @10:04AM (#32110918)

    Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, the leader of the southern region of Kalymkia, made his claim in a television interview. Mr Ilyumzhinov said in an interview on primetime television that he had been taken on board an alien spaceship which had come to planet Earth to take samples — and claims to have several witnesses

    Unfortunately, those alien witnesses are unavailable for questioning . . .

  • by mapkinase (958129) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @10:06AM (#32110942) Homepage Journal

    I have two words for you: "Crazy dictator".

    Russian regional "governators" are appointed by president and all they have to do to stay in power in their local feods is simply lick Moscow's ass.

    At this circumstances it's a badge of honor for a local tzar to say something batshit crazy just to show that you are one wholesome untouchable sonofabitch.

    • by ACS Solver (1068112) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @10:15AM (#32111026)
      While he was appointed for his current term as Head of Kalmykia, he was previously its President without any appointment, simply by being elected. Despite the occasional controversy, he's quite popular, I believe, not in the least due to his position in FIDE. Also, the story itself is nothing extraordinary. Ilyumzhinov has been known for years as an eccentric person, and he had already mentioned being taken to alien ships on a few occasions.
      • by mapkinase (958129)

        This is very typical for Russian democracy: one wins in a shady election, "popularity" is the state-controlled media environment is totally BS.

        A Russian weird twist at this is that post-Soviet dictators are often people with geeky education (like Askar Akaev, former president of Kyrsgyztan, for example).

        • by samkass (174571) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @10:58AM (#32111436) Homepage Journal

          This is very typical for Russian democracy: one wins in a shady election, "popularity" is the state-controlled media environment is totally BS.

          My measure of democracy is not whether someone is elected into office, but elected out of office. So far Russia has yet to strip a President of their power via an election, so I'm still withholding my opinion on whether it's a democracy.

          ---
          I do not believe in karma. "Funny"=-6. Do good and forbid evil. Yours, Oft-Offtopic Flamebaiting Troll.

          I find Slashdot far more tolerable with Funny set to -5 as well.

          • I find Slashdot far more tolerable with Funny set to -5 as well.

            Mod parent +5 funny. I have mod points, but I can only use one on this post. It's going to take about 10 to under-rate and +funny this post the way it's begging to be.

            Please! For the love of irony, please, mod parent +5 funny! Think of the children!

      • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

        by Cyberax (705495)

        "While he was appointed for his current term as Head of Kalmykia, he was previously its President without any appointment, simply by being elected. Despite the occasional controversy, he's quite popular, I believe, not in the least due to his position in FIDE."

        And for nothing else. Kalmykia is extremely poor and Ilumzhinov really rules there like a dictator (i.e. suppressing press, using police to beat up people, etc.). Basically, Putin and Medveded do not care about it since Ilumzhinov keeps everything ins

        • by ACS Solver (1068112) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @12:20PM (#32112372)

          Do not be surprised at the popularity of authoritarian leaders in Russia. That's one of the weird things about the country. Someone who's pretty much a dictator or at least an autocrat can still be popular enough to win in a genuine election. Heck, Medvedev was elected because Putin said Medvedev is his preferred candidate. While Russian elections do apparently have vote-fixing in certain areas/demographics (not deliberate miscounts of votes, but people being forced to vote for a candidate), there's no doubt that the majority really did vote for Medvedev. Or that Putin easily had enough support for his second term.

          Seems like in smaller regions of Russia, many people are happy about having a local authoritarian-style leader. I think it's one of the worst legacies of the Soviet Union in this part of the world, and a legacy that's going to be tough to get rid of. I mean the people's contentedness (contentment? not sure of the English word) to have a guy in charge that makes the calls. A "strong ruler".

          This is one of the things I like about how Americans view their society. Americans and mostly happy and proud to vote, from what I've seen. They certainly would hate being in a situation where they don't have the opportunity to do so.

          • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

            by tftp (111690)

            Do not be surprised at the popularity of authoritarian leaders in Russia. That's one of the weird things about the country.

            There is nothing surprising here. Russian history had weak rulers and strong rules. Weak ones brought disaster; strong ones brought success and prosperity. You don't need to go too far back, just look at the chaos and wars of Yeltsin's years.

            Americans and mostly happy and proud to vote, from what I've seen. They certainly would hate being in a situation where they don't have the op

          • by zx-15 (926808)

            I think it's a wrong argument to say that despite being a dictator person 'X' is still would win a popular vote. With the presence of just voting system, free journalism or at least somewhat free journalism you'd never know how how the public opinion would sway and would the dictator actually stack up to the competition, on the second thought no one knows either by how much elections were rigged, and whether there was one or one million ballots stuffed.

            I also think that this argument - "Putin is popular eve

          • by Reservoir Penguin (611789) on Friday May 07, 2010 @12:40AM (#32122346)
            I am a Russian citizen and do not believe western democracy is the best form of government. I also think you believe it not because of some deep comparison and analysis you performed but because it has been beaten into you head since you were a kid. Democracy is just a way to elect a strong capable leader. We already have a strong leader and a system that passes authority to another strong leader. Why do we need crazy election eccentrics? On the other hand I have been following Western election and USA elections in particualr and I do not for a second beleive the system worked to provide you with a good leader. If the system worked than why was Bush Jr, the president, not once but TWICE?? Was he really the most capable man for the job in America for whole eight years? If the system misfires so badly why keep it.
      • While he was appointed for his current term as Head of Kalmykia, he was previously its President without any appointment, simply by being elected.

        This is true, and also applies to many other regional governors in Russia, especially in the "national republics" (those partitioned by some ethnic aspect) - most of the guys ruling them were "elected" once after collapse of the USSR, and have been repeatedly "re-elected" since, and now repeatedly re-appointed by the President. In fact, most of those people were also in positions of power during Soviet times.

        The reason why I mock-quote "elected" is because those elections, while not quite the sham they were

  • You'd think if a alien species could travel millions of billions of miles at (presumably) FTL speeds, they'd at least have the foresight to abduct someone important to interview.
    • they'd at least have the foresight to abduct someone important to interview

      Maybe he looked important to their reference frame and concepts.
      Don't extrapolate your value-systems; those who you might find "important" might be absolutely insignificant to me.

      For me the alien-stories get boring though, I was fascinated by it during the 90s, as was everybody. X-files sortof fueled this. But now, grand oversaturation and nothing exciting as the oversaturation discredits anything.

    • by Rockoon (1252108)
      Maybe for them, the game of chess is the most important thing in the universe.
    • by Jeng (926980) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @10:19AM (#32111074)

      Anyone who is sane would keep their mouths shut about it.

      It's kinda like the sailors who talked about the rogue waves, it wasn't until it was properly documented that they no longer considered the victims of rogue waves of just being bad sailors and bad liars.

    • To be fair, a regional president is likely more important than some of the other people that claim to have been abducted.
    • by Cyberax (705495)

      "Regional president" is actually a correct translation of his title. Russia is divided into regions, and some of them are called 'republics' and thus are governed by presidents. Some other regions are 'gubernias' and are governed by 'gubernators'.

      Yes, it's a mess.

  • Does anybody else have a small part of them hoping it's true when hearing news stories like this?
    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by elrous0 (869638) *
      If I'm going to dream, it's going to be of my marriage to Natalie Portman...not of aliens abducting some loser in Russia.
    • Have to admit.... yes ;-)
      There is always that little spark of hope whispering....

      "this time it's for real! There were several very credible witnesses. Among them a professional camera crew that for once was capable of making steady and focused shots. Some other witnesses are blessed with a photographic memory and have consistent accounts of what happened and can describe it in detail. And that bright journalist among them had the presence of mind to try communicating on a basic level"

      But meh.. hope is what

      • But meh.. hope is what keeps you going isn't it? :)

        For most of us, it's caffeine. You might try it. Easier to pop the tab on a Mountain Dew than try to figure out what to be hopeful of. More reliable as well.

  • Well, if there is a serious honest and open investigation, then hopefully some definitive answers. Personally I don't think it matters wither he is being abducted, or we find the part of the brain that makes him believe this and correct it. So long as at the end, this man and the several thousand other people who claim this has happened to them get some answers and peace.
  • He says he visited an alien spaceship at 18th of September 1997, "at Saturday evening". My calendar disagrees - 1997-09-18 was Thursday.
  • by Notquitecajun (1073646) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @11:54AM (#32112058)
    You abduct...aliens?

    Did he see Farrakhan up there as well?
  • Jesus (Score:2, Flamebait)

    by jDeepbeep (913892)
    How is this claim about UFOs/aliens any different, reality-wise, than the millions of people around teh world who actually believe that a Jew thousands of years ago raised himself from the dead, or that Moses made the sea split so he could travel across it, or that Jacob wrestled with an angel? Let's not make claiming one variety of unprovable phenomena acceptable, but the other to be social and political suicide.
    • How is this claim about UFOs/aliens any different, reality-wise, than the millions of people around the world who actually believe that a Jew thousands of years ago raised himself from the dead, or that Moses made the sea split so he could travel across it, or that Jacob wrestled with an angel?

      It is quite different in that the UFO claim has a much higher probablility of being true.

  • by moxley (895517) on Thursday May 06, 2010 @12:18PM (#32112356)

    He's far from the only one who has reported this - an awful lot of very credible people have - people who have nothing to gain and everything to lose by even mentioning it.

    So there is something going on.

    I think people are remiss by dismissing people who report this stuff and labelling them as "crazy." History is full of examples of people reporting on anomalies and being called crazy only to find these anomalies accepted as fact later on.

    • Indeed, there is something going on.

      I am of the opinion that aliens are and have been visiting this planet for some time. Further, I think they are keeping themselves largely hidden because they are concerned about the reaction if they were to reveal themselves in an unambiguous way; they would be worshipped or attacked, or both and they don't want the responsibility or drama.

      • Disguised as lawyers and politicians and bankers,
        secretly running the planet until the alien spaceships arrive.

        Recall there were a lot of reports of UFOs around the time
        that the nuclear genie was unleashed.

        Expect increased reports of UFOs over the next 15 years.

  • So if he is telling the truth, he should be booted out of office because he is a security risk, and if he is not, he should be booted out of office because he is fuckin' nuts? Sounds like reporting an alien abduction is functionally equivalent to asking for early retirement. Good thing this couldn't happen in Arizona, where those aliens would immediately be asked to show their papers!
    • If he is telling the truth, there is no security risk
      because the aliens already know what is going on anyway.

      If he is not telling the truth, there is no security risk
      because everyone will dismiss anything he says anyway.

  • We can look as far as we can go back in space/time (see NOVA Hunting Teh edge of space [pbs.org] and we end with widely scattered light that we cannot see past. Then we go the route of looking at the very very small (see LHC LHC experiments video [ucla.edu]

    So as much as what is all happening in 2012 (what we know scientifically) there is also our point in evolution and science where we see a millionth of a second past the big bang.

    When will we and the Aliens be ready to meet?

    When they don't have to prove to us what we will then

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