French Threat To ID Secret US Satellites

SkiifGeek brings to our attention a story that ran on space.com a few months back but didn't get much wider notice at the time. "The French have identified numerous objects in orbit that do not appear in the ephemeris data reported by the US Space Surveillance Network. Now, the US claims that if it doesn't appear in the ephemeris data, then it doesn't exist. The French insist that at least some of the objects they have found boast solar arrays. Therefore it seems that the French have found secret US satellites. While they don't plan to release the information publicly, they do intend to use it as leverage to get the US to suppress reporting of sensitive French satellites in their published ephemeris."

Re:Headline

[deftcoder]

It's a kdawson story... he just randomly clicks 'accept' without even looking at them.

oh god...

[doubtless]

freedom fries all over again?

ground control to major tom

[User 956]

Therefore it seems that the French have found secret US satellites.

If they're referring to the moon, that's been ours for a while (finders keepers), and it's not exactly a secret. unless you're referring to man-made satellites only?

'Lost' satellites

[flyingfsck]

Numerous communications satellites have been lost over the years. Others may be a secret alien monitoring network...

Re:Oh no the French are mad

[Conspicuous Coward]

Wow, and the French though that your fat American fingers would never be able to crank out predictable trolls about their military with such speed :-P Clearly they underestimated you. Kudos.

Re:This is easily winnable for the USA

[martijnd]

After spending the last 20 odd year's playing Metal of Honor ; and thus being suitably "trained"
the American infantry will drop into Normandy, make a big mess of the coast and head for Berlin at high speed; reaching the operational "goal" in less than 24 hours as they can just take the train instead of grunting it out by foot.

The French will barely notice ; but the Germans will wonder why Checkpoint Charlie was rebuild overnight.Berlin disco's will put on a "retro" 40's theme.

The European Union will then spend the next six months debating who will pay for the environmental damage done to the French coast and whether or not the shrimp industry qualifies for subsidies.

Re:Headline

[JonathanR]

Shouldn't they just offer them for sale on eBay?

Re:This is easily winnable for the USA

[ghoul]

Or US Marines will refuse to get off the landing craft as they dont have enough Ipods to go around. So they will be airlifted by Ospreys half of which will crash killing half the invasion force. At this point the psychoanalysts will recommend a night out on the town (Paris preferably) to deal with their PTSD. At which point the marines would discover how worthless their dollars are that they cant even buy cigarettes. Around this point in time the marines would realize they are all Germans anyway (German is the largest ethnic group in the US) and ask for German/EU citizenship. And then they will go join the Shrimp Industry - Bubba Gump Shrimp anyone?

Re:Secret US Satellites?

[Anonymous Coward]

I personally know the REAL head of the NSA. We lunch daily and discuss the latest sat feeds over fresh ground coffee and scones. No shit.

Re:Tor like oatmeals!

[Anonymous Coward]

See ya.

Re:This is easily winnable for the USA

[dafragsta]

Very easily winnable. The Iraqis aren't wearing berets.

Re:This is easily winnable for the USA

[Wavicle]

So they will be airlifted by Ospreys half of which will crash killing half the invasion force.

Wow. You really think half of the Ospreys won't crash?

Re:let 'em

[Oswald]

If they're really there, it's an empty threat.

But if they're not there, it's...serious?

uh hem...

[djupedal]

"Pardon Moi, but does your secret satellite fire lasers?"

"No, it certainly does not."

"Oh...good. Then I'll just be orbiting this small camera platform over here next to it and...."ZZZzzzZZzzZzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzaaaaaaappppppppppppPPPPPPPP!!!!!!

"I thought you said your secret satellite doesn't fire lasers!!??"

"That's not my secret satellite..."

In their defense....

[Darth]

Considering recent history, they probably suspect the worst case scenario for exposing a U.S. spy satellite is a pardon.

Re:US?

[Adambomb]

Or pur a whole bunch of other countries flags on it. Confuse the hell out of the issue.

Re:But you don't get it, they "don't" exist!

[arivanov]

As the French would say: "Touche, Monsieur".

How many frenchmen does it take to defend paris?

[xQx]

I dunno... None have ever tried.

[Not a Troll, just a man with cheap jokes]

Re:But you don't get it, they "don't" exist!

[Anonymous Coward]

Meh Laserbeam lacks sportsmanship. Now if they decided to play ariadne-dart with 'em spy sats...

Re:How many frenchmen does it take to defend paris

[bmo]

I'll see your cheap joke and raise you one:

Why do the French plant trees beside the road?

So the Germans can march in the shade. :-D

--
BMO

karma to burn baaaybe, karma to burn...

Re:let 'em

[ozmanjusri]

and of course copious free time and lots of coffee.

So what you're saying is that we will have to ban coffee or let the terrorists win?

Re:I don't think so

[JordanL]

Crap, you mean Tom Clancy didn't just make that shit up?

Really handy

[k31bang]

* In which case, if you know when it's over you, and when it's not, then you have a rough idea of when you're in the crosshairs. That can be handy.

Give the camera a good mooning?

Re:I don't think so

[Algorithmnast]

* In which case, if you know when it's over you, and when it's not, then you have a rough idea of when you're in the crosshairs. That can be handy.

Yep - especially if I want to moon the satellite.

Re:Spy vs Spy

[Anonymous Coward]

Jim Hacker: It's a bluff. I probably wouldn't use it.
Sir Humphrey: Yes, but they don't know that you probably wouldn't.
Jim Hacker: They probably do.
Sir Humphrey: Yes, they probably know that you probably wouldn't. But they can't certainly know.
Jim Hacker: They probably certainly know that I probably wouldn't.
Sir Humphrey: Yes, but even though they probably certainly know that you probably wouldn't, they don't certainly know that, although you probably wouldn't, there is no probability that you certainly would.

if they don't exist...

[Tastecicles]

then the US surely won't mind a few missile tests in the general direction of those holes in the sky?

Re:US?

[mpe]

Cuz if I were going to put a spy satellite up, I'd totally put a flag on it so they knew whose spy satellite it was.

You might want to put a flag on it, just not your flag on it. If you really wanted to confuse people you'd use the flag of somewhere like Zimbabwe.

Re:The French Aren't Threatening Anyone

[Kartoffel]

"I fart in your general direction!"

Re:But you don't get it, they "don't" exist!

[Midnight Thunder]

There is a joke that I once heard before about a US stealth plane flying over France, along these lines:

The French detect a spy plane flying over their territory and on suspecting that it belongs to the US contact them:
French: We have an unidentified plane flying over our territory and believe it is yours
USA: I don't think so
French: Are you sure?
USA: Yes
French: So you won't mind if we shoot it down
USA: Uh um, you had better hold off on that one

Apparently the French Thompson radar are meant to be that good. Not being a military expert I don't really know.

Re:Headline

[switc4]

Surely 'Mutualy Assured Dissemination'.

Re:This is easily winnable for the USA

[jollyreaper]

So they will be airlifted by Ospreys half of which will crash killing half the invasion force.

Wow. You really think half of the Ospreys won't crash?

I think he's saying half the troops will think better of getting into those deathtraps. In this case, he feels the glass is only half fools.

Re:Tweenies

[mephistophyles]

They're being French wasn't reason enough?
*ducks and runs*