U.S. Deploys Orbital Communications Jammer

kpwoodr writes "An interesting article at the Washington Times makes note of a recent satellite launch by the U.S. It seems we have put a jammer in space that will allow us to disrupt enemy communication systems at will. From the article: 'The U.S. military is bracing for future attacks in space, and the Air Force has deployed an electronic-warfare unit capable of jamming enemy satellites, the general in charge of space defenses says. "You can't go to war and win without space."'"

does this mean.....

[B3AST!]

i won't be able to get telemundo anymore?!?!?!

Re:With apologies to Sid Meier...

[Stanistani]

"We're not talking about weaponizing space. We're not talking about massive satellite attacks coming over the horizon or anything like that. This is really a way to understand space situational awareness, who's out there, who's operating. We understand that," Gen. Lord said.

On a more comic-book note, it's kinda fun that the United States Space Force is run by "General Lance Lord!" *cue dramatic music*

Re:With apologies to Sid Meier...

[TubeSteak]

The future will be different because we'll learn to live in peaceful harmony

Okay, just kidding

I'm still waiting for Kinetic Energy weapons. Ya know... big spikes of metal being dropped into our gravity well in order to obliterate targets.

And we're gonna use it...

[ObjetDart]

every time some European brags about how much better their cell phones are than American cell phones.

Military Intelligence

[Quirk]

"You can't go to war and win without space."

General "Buck" Turgidson:" Mr. President, we cannot allow a mineshaft gap!"

General "Buck" Turgidson: "Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines."

Memorable Quotes from Dr. Strangelove [imdb.com] or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

Re:With apologies to Sid Meier...

[stupidfoo]

You've saved the world this time, General Lance Lord, but mark my words, I'll be back!

The above quote was edited

[popo]

The Central Communications office of the US Air Force was forced to recall and edit the General's original comment, which they felt was "too forward thinking". Originally the General was quoted as saying "You can't go to war and win without spice."

The General later apologized and blamed it on too much time in the desert, but not before raising his fist and screaming "Long live the Fighters!"

The Air Force has refused to comment further.

Re:Nothing worth a good old undercover agent

[temojen]

A good old EMP and all your data is steganographed and you can't get to hotmail.

I've been waiting for it...

[arootbeer]

Ob. Simpsons reference

The wars of the future will not be fought on the battlefield or at sea. They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall mountain. In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by small robots. And as you go forth today remember always your duty is clear: To build and maintain those robots.

It's true...

[NthDegree256]

Read up on your history if you don't believe it. No major war has ever been won without a significant space presence.

as an added bonus

[circletimessquare]

it makes microwave popcorn at ~ 100 km

In Soviet Russia..

[Anonymous Coward]

In Soviet America, satellites jam YOU!

Heh, couldn't resist!

-Acercanto

Unjamming the Jammer? Failsafes?

[rubberbando]

I can see it now.

General: Ok soldier, activate the communications jammer!

Soldier: Yes, Sir!

Soldier flips a switch.

Soldier: Jammer is activated. All communications are jammed, sir.

Static is heard coming from every communications device.

General: Ok, soldier. It works. You can turn it off now.

Soldier presses a few buttons and shakes his head.

General: I said you can turn it off now soldier.

Soldier: I'm trying sir. I sent the signal to the satelite but it seems the signal was jammed.

General: By who?

Soldier: By the satelite, sir.

D'oh!

the REAL question is....

[wardk]

does it run Linux?

Re:With apologies to Sid Meier...

[Rei]

That's a simple enough issue. To deal with the antiantisatellite satellites, we'll unleash wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They'll wipe out the antiantisatellite satellites. To counter that, we'll unleash a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat. Then, the beautiful part: when solar maximum rolls around, the gorillas will fry to death.

It's about bloody time

[Macphisto]

I for one am ecstatic that the Americans are taking this bold step. We have suffered under the threat of extraterrestial communication interference far too long. As a godless Canadian, a citizen nonetheless of the pan-American empire, I will proudly point my cell phone toward the heavens in the direction of least reception, and prostrate myself in the name of his divine governance, whoever-it-is-who's-running-the-military-down-ther e, Jr.

Re:With apologies to Sid Meier...

[jacksonj04]

Britain will go our own way, bust out the top secret technologies we've been working on for 50 years and hold the world to ransom for...

ONE MILLION POUNDS STERLING!

Muahahaha*cough*... Ahahaha!

Re:With apologies to Sid Meier...

[EtherealStrife]

nah, it's the cool and efficient that are contradictory. A rock is far cooler to kill someone with than a gun.

Obligatory StarWars quote

[DrStrange66]

Darth Sidious: Begin landing your troops. Wipe them out... all of them.

Sio Bibble: A communications disruption can only mean one thing...invasion!

Jar Jar: Weesa gonna die!?

Re:Attacks from whom?

[Anonymous Coward]

Why, Oceania of course. We've always been at war with Oceania.

Only one nation

[gm0e]

would dare to use raspberry jam. THE USA!

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:And we're gonna use it...

[qyiet]

every time some European brags about how much better their cell phones are than American cell phones

Heh, ironic really as I was told the reason the US cellular system is so screwed up is because the US Military refused to release the frequencies used by the rest of the world.

-Qyi1kx22x@#X) [carrier lost]

Obligatory "Starship Troopers" quote

[myth_of_sisyphus]

Ace Levy: Sir, I don't understand. What goods' a knife in a nuke fight? All you have to do is press a button, sir.

Career Sergeant Zim: Put your hand on that wall trooper. PUT YOUR HAND ON THAT WALL!

[Zim throws a knife and hits Ace's hand pinning it to the wall]

Career Sergeant Zim: The enemy can not press a button... if you have disabled his hand. Medic!

Re:With apologies to Sid Meier...

[killjoe]

"We're not talking about weaponizing space."

He left out the word "yet".

I am glad they have the capability to strike al-quada from space though. I am sure this will mean the war on terror will be over any day now.

Re:With apologies to Sid Meier...

[trewornan]

This is an old joke - but it might be new to some of you colonials.

An Irishman is walking down the Falls Road when suddenly another man in a balaclava pull him into an alleyway and presses a gun to his head.

"Are you a catholic or a protestant" he demands.

"Oh Shit!" thinks the Irishman "I'm stuffed, how do I know which is right?"- then he has a moment of inspiration and answers "Actually I'm Jewish".

"No kidding!" says the man in the balaclava "I must be the luckiest arab in Belfast".

Re:Obligatory "Starship Troopers" quote

[Anonymous Coward]

Argh. You could at least have quoted from the BOOK rather than that abomination of a movie.

"Sergeant? I guess this knife throwing is fun . . . but why do we have to learn it? What possible use is it?"

"Well," answered Zim, "suppose all you have is a knife? Or maybe not even a knife? What do you do? Just say your prayers and die? Or wade in and make him buy it anyhow? Son, this is real -- it's not a checker game you can concede if you find yourself too far behind."

"But that's just what I mean, sir. Suppose you aren't armed at all? Or just one of these toadstickers, say? And the man you're up against has all sorts of dangerous weapons? There's nothing you can do about it; he's got you licked on showdown."

Zim said almost gently, "You've got it all wrong, son. There's no such thing as a `dangerous weapon.' "

"Huh? Sir?"

"There are no dangerous weapons; there are only dangerous men. We're trying to teach you to be dangerous -- to the enemy. Dangerous even without a knife. Deadly as long as you still have one hand or one foot and are still alive. If you don't know what I mean, go read `Horatius at the Bridge' or `The Death of the Bon Homme Richard'; they're both in the Camp library. But take the case you first mentioned; I'm you and all you have is a knife. That target behind me -- the one you've been missing, number three -- is a sentry, armed with everything but an H-bomb. You've got to get him . . . quietly, at once, and without letting him call for help." Zim turned slightly -- thunk! -- a knife he hadn't even had in his hand was quivering in the center of target number three. "You see? Best to carry two knives -- but get him you must, even barehanded."

Re:This opens the gate to space weapons.

[Batman64]

Yeah!!! Maybe it already is a weapon... Do you know how many times I have seen this in movies??? 'They' say it's to monitor weather patterns... when it's really a FrEaKiN lAzzzzzer beam that's so accurate it can burn the damn wiskers off your face!!! Smart, Smartass, or funny.... yeah I went w/ a bit of the last 2.